The Return

Writing this out of both duress & necessity, too many beautiful women have relayed their feelings about myself & about these words, they told me that I inspire them, that I have impacted them, that I have taught them, while I only sought to do these things for myself.

While I still continue to seek these things for myself.

One of my blessed followers told me that she's been keeping a watchful cyber eye on me since I was 18 years old, all because of this blog.

I'm 22 years old now.

With a great deal more bedazzled skeletons in my closet & an incurable disease that takes as much life from me as it forces me to create. So much has changed, shit, I have changed, & I can only hope that it's for the better & that it will continue to be for the better. I never stopped writing, I simply started journaling, switching the life game up as things got a little too intense for my liking.

See, I rediscovered emotion, the blissful & intense pain of romantic disappointment, I tripped & fell 100 times to figure out what the fuck I actually want, I'm still tripping & falling, but I'm catching myself, so instead of my face getting scarred the fuck up, the struggle stays on my elbows.

I suppose I'll have to stay steady blogging for any of you to understand what I'm talking about.

Let's catch up though, what's new with me?

Well, April of last year, a young god got diagnosed with lupus.

That's pretty much the reason for almost everything I have done since then, everyone I've left, every place I've abandoned, every disrupted relationship, all because mandem has to survive.

See, negative energy? Puts me in a hospital, because my lupus is tied directly into my emotions, into my energy, the cosmic fucking system, you know? So if shit is off balance, my body is off balance, & I suffer for it.

One hell of way for the Universe to make sure I'm actually about everything I preach, no?

That's how I understand it, mother fucking equivalency. When I get sick? It's my fault, because I allowed negative energy to fester around me, I don't even accept that shit from those who claim to love me, I've been accused of being extremely selfish because I REFUSE to put up with ANYONE's negative fucking energy, the nature of this disease has exposed the perineal truth, the asinine theories of those who know nothing of true love, but claim to.

The nature of this disease has made everything pretty fucking simple in my life, no matter how difficult that simplicity seems, give me positive energy? Get plugged in. The minute you give me negative energy, which then acts as a catalyst for white blood cells who love to run trains on my organs?

Get unplugged.

So with that being said, I'm in Atlanta now.
The most peaceful place for me at this time.
& I'm falling in love with the most painful of truths.

I'm the one whose gonna have to die, when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.

No long ting.

Press my buttons baby. Press my fucking buttons.

Him: "So you have nothing to say?"

Her: "I actually have a lot, I was trying to pick which one to say first & in what order, dangerous to safe or safe to dangerous?"

Him: "Safe to dangerous"

Her: "I was remembering the first night we kissed & how you held my wrist when I attempted to go back inside."

" & how intense you were & can be & how magnified all of that energy will be when I see you again"

" & how it might completely overwhelm me. & how much I'd love that feeling, your decisiveness, that intensity, completely encompassing me....nakedly."

"& our hands moving with each other & when you said "This is how we'd make love to each other" the explicitly delicious premonitions... "

"& how we just might drown each other, how the rest of the world would be completely forgotten, nothing else would exist but us...."

Him: "Woah."

Connected again

Couple of pictures from Efya's show taken by Benji, that whole day was mad, the show ended up being rushed so I couldn't even do my full steez, but Efya killed it as always. She's so talented, I love that girl. I fixed my internet back up again, thank stubborn ingenuity. I'm a jack of all trades, today for example I helped change a lock.

Frankenstein the Locksmith.

Amen.

Day in the life: Beauty in every moment.

Captured moments.

What would I do without a macbook?

BLASTATION

The next morning.

Inspired to share life.

I love iron wrought bed frames, there's history in it, it's delicate, but historically powerful at the same time. It's just the perfect setting for a man eating narcissistic female such as myself.

This is my ass. I am proud of it. Amen.

I wish I was darker, but it is an inspiration still, long tank, it's this beautifully soft cotton fabric, copped in Saudi of course, I still don't understand that environment, but it made my closet much fatter. But as I was saying, I need a super black girl for a shot like that, but the colors do set my own skin tone off. Why not both fuck it?

But this is all for Ghana, I know the perfect girl, with the perfect curves.

Amen.

A new love.

I went to the Super Pop opening last night.

Sponsored in part by the brilliance that is Art Nouveau.

I got a new pair of boots!

My heart has been aching for a pair of these ever since my starving days in Buckhead, today, I finally saw the perfect addition to my shoe collection and I couldn't resist the purchase. I'm stomping everywhere in these baby's. Welcome home sweets.

What I've been doing all day/night/week.

Another shot from Monday's shoot.

Sneak peak at the shoot with SirGarde and Estasha.

Had it yesterday, brilliant fun, in the morning I walked from Inman Station all the way to Auburn Avenue and was blessed with sights of this city I had never had the pleasure of experiencing, it just reinforces my distaste at the idea of getting a car. You're so closed off from the world in general in that metal contraption. Best believe I'll be making that walk again very soon. The shoot was amazing, the photographer Gudrun Stone, the stylist Estasha Goodwin, the make up artist Kristi Jones and wardrobe finally by Sir Garde. I was giddy with excitement when we'd finished. It took the whole day as well, I lowkey adore all day shoots, makes me feel as though I'm a part of something worth it.

Also happened across a hilarious realization, a lot of the shoots I've been in my skin is always made darker than it actually is, to keep the 'chocolate essence' of my nature. It's just funny to me how they'd probably have less interest in my being as a model if I were to be light skinned, not taking any shots just making a quaint observation.

Better black.

My Epiphany

So basically, what I'm really trying to say is:

I accept the "fame". And none of you negative energy warmongers will get a reaction from me ever again. It is what it is. Think watch you must.

I'm TI-YAD.

Perfecting my musical experience.

Now all I need is some elevation and the circle will be complete.

Amen, Thank you Jesus.

We got featured!

"Don't F*ck Anyone For A Job: An Interview with C. Franki Acolatse"

Cheesing.

05.02.10

The beauty of life is vast and magnificent, immeasurable and unknown, life and death could be one in the same, one could simply be a pathway to another. I find it hard to imagine that these little children's souls, that the light I saw in Ayisha's eye's this morning will pass forever, never to be seen again. After walking through this unit my believe in reincarnation is reinforced.

I don't believe the Creator would waste such magnificence, especially magnificence created by his own hand.

A child is a terrible thing to lose, you can call it my coping mechanism but there are too many questions about the scientific make up of my soul for me to believe that after death there is nothing else.

I refuse to believe that that little boy I saw the first day I got here, the little boy with the smeared Quran verses in blue ink on his forehead who died the next day's soul is lost forever.

It's just too cruel.

You can sit there and say that life is cruel, but it is what we have put into our lives that has made it thus, all these material items, all these man made destruction has made our existence difficult.

Did God make war? Did God create murder?

Christianity states that he gave us free will, and with that free will we paved our own path. Perhaps he's simply been watching us create our own disastrous cause and effects. Simply waiting for it to either all end, or for us to change.

All he gave us was the stage, and the ability to act on it. We provided the props, the costumes, the food we consume, we've altered everything.

I hear the prayer call and wonder how many Muslims have stopped their tasks to get on their knee's and pray. I also wonder if the same rules where implemented in Christianity would I have done it 5 times a day? As twisted as Islam is, Christianity is just as warped...but at least the Islamic faith remains dedicated.

At least they're dedicated.

04.28.10

So I'm in Egypt. On route to Damman, Saudi Arabia.

This is a very strange experience for me, something completely out of the ordinary, something I don't think I'll really get used to.

1. I'm pretty sure I'm the only black female in the room.
2. All these hoes is covered the fuck up.
3. Finding a place to sit was a harrowing adventure. Are you allowed to sit next to the dudes? What about these babes? How do they feel about me? Cause you know when a white person gives you a stank look your first thought is that he's hating on your color.

Here? There are way too many reasons to hate.

Oh shit, I see curiosity.

They could hate cause I'm black, or cause I have a vagina, because I'm black and I have a vagina, because I'm American, because I'm black have a vagina and I'm American, because I'm bald, because I'm black, have a vagina, I'm American and I have no hair. Really match up any of the options and hate away.

I seriously stood in front of all these people for a while measuring the safest place to sit, must have enough women around me for my presence to be deemed appropriate, do not talk to any males unless immigration officers or an employee of the freaking airport....I'm even scared someone's gonna talk cause I pulled out my laptop.

A little ignorant of me I know, but this is unchartered territory, that I really have no idea about and the in the realm of humanities ability to hate you have to be careful. I'm not calling anyone terrorists, I'm just saying that I know this culture to be xenophobic, xenophobic and angry, xenophobic, angry and sexist.

And it's not just the age old tale of the bullied American in the land of Arabia, nigga I'm BLACK. That is something you can't really account for, does anyone really know how they really feel about us? Am I tolerated because so many of my brothers and sisters are muslim? Or am I the regular old "black dog?" I mean I'm still American (American passport holder), so does that cancel out any points my brethren may have earned for me?

I saw my first possible harem. There were at least 15 women in the all black contraption with a guy in the all white, I must learn the names for all these things...

So much to learn. It's 6:25 in Ghana right now. Everyone is probably awake, and when I say everyone I'm very specific to three people. My favorites in that country.

I've seen some really hot Arabian guys by the way, I think like the Indians they posses that funny trait, the either REALLY FINE or REALLY UGLY trait. There is no in between up in this bitch.

Like some of these babes (at least the ones who's faces I'm permitted to see) are fine as hell. But they're all so white. Don't they know they look better with tans?

Did they not see Jasmine?

It'd be sad to see if the bleaching skin epidemics touches this melanin lacking individuals. Don't they know that those products wreck havoc on your skin? By the time your 40 you'll look 150. The only thing that'll ever crack black is bleaching products.

This bitch has on aviators....wouldnt it be funny if I found some sick bad girl clique in this country? Sick and hilarious.

Over here if you get caught smoking a joint you'll get your ass stoned, all these little rich girls who's families have been drowning in arab money since the beginning of time risk their lives sick of what? Boredom?

......some would argue that they really don't have "life".

But what exactly defines the meaning of a "life"? My definition can't be used to measure the worth of their existence, we're all different people, different cultures, different understanding of things.

All I'm saying is that this bitch in the aviators looks like she's been sucking some secret dick and I know where she's going that shit is illegal, and she also looks like she don't give any flavor of a fuck.

BUT DAMN THESE ARE SOME PRETTY ASS LITTLE KIDS!!!

We're boarding.

brb.

---

30 minutes until we land, I started the journey basking the small sunlight my window seat afforded me, the sun has since changed it's direction but even though I lack it's warmth the view is splendid.

Desert for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays.

I've been fantasizing about on location desert photo shoots the entire ride, having a little bit of lost in translation when it comes to bathroom breaks though, I don't know why this old lady thinks a bald black girl wearing men's clothing will know how to speak freaking Arabic. I was so desperate to pee I almost tried "Durka durka", fuck you South Park for feeding my illicit ignorance, I am also the only black single female on this flight, my walk to the bathroom was very quick and agile, all these mofo's were rubber necking.

Too much attention, I wish I had that Harry Potter invisibility cloak. It gets unnerving sometimes, especially when you're not sure if what makes you stand out in the crowd won't get you killed.

We're landing.

Lol brb.

---

What a whirlwind of an experience, this place is amazing, huge success in the middle of the freaking desert, yet such confusion, common sense seems to go past a lot of people here.

I'm currently at my Mum's hospital, in her 2nd (yes 2nd) office, feeling very small in a very big world. We've come far from Northumberland Avenue, she's worked so hard to get here and I'm so proud of her. All my drama, all the family drama, pales in comparison to what she has accomplished, I can see why she's so zenned out right now. She doesn't need to worry about shit.

My bbm works perfectly over here as well btw. Isn't that amazing? The architecture I've seen here so far is even more astounding.

There is just so much to talk about, where on earth would I begin?

For some reason I can't sign on to my blog, depressing, so I'll just update through notes.

Besides I missed your comments.

I'm dead tired though, I might add on more when my brain is well rested.

Always thank Jah for today, yesterday and tomorrow.

Straight chilling II.

I'll keep the videos coming. A long with the literature. There's a lot to talk about now a days. Stick with me alright?

4/14/10

I don't know how to start this. What should I say exactly? This feeling is so foreign to me now, typing on a fully functioning keyboard, actually allowed to share my thoughts as fluidly for me as possible. There's just so much that needs to be recorded, I won't say that these are the best years of my life because no one will ever know tomorrow, but we remain thankful for it still. 

I named her Cleo, the MacBook Air my mother so graciously bestowed upon me. My previous MacBook, purchased by a one Hilarious Dodoh, is now basically in ruins after having jumped so many countries so many times it was surely on its last leg this year. I kept that thing for 3 years, it feels good to work on something new. After all that seems to be what my entire life is about right now, the pursuit of "new", perhaps I shouldn't generalize it so, I mean on average I can be satisfied by the simplest of means, perhaps I meant to say is that I am on the hunt for something "new" in my percentage of human interaction. I'm always fucking with this person or that person, with no malicious intent of course, simply out of pure boredom. Human beings are the most dazzling of puzzles one can amuse ones self with. And I've always loved puzzles. 

My life is very interesting right now, there are a lot of boys, a lot of sex, a lot of scandal and a lot of laughter, honestly everyday I wake up I think "What will show on Gossip Girl Ghana today?"

I'm going to write about all my exploits, it needs to be recorded before it is forgotten.  

Moping achieves absolutely nothing. 

I don't know why niggas keep on employing the use of it.

I'm afroboujie, I'm cosmopolitan, I'm determined to give myself everything I deserve, I won't lose, I won't let anyone win, all I have to do is ask and it will be mine, I understand that small part of this gigantic world, I understand that part of my  soul. Ask and it shall be given. The age old tale of success within ones self. 

There's not really a lot to say once you've said that.

A lot's been going on man, And I find myself just standing and watching as it all flows around me. Like in those speed shots where the world is buzzing and this once human being is just standing there staring. I've become easily detachable, easily bored and more unwilling to invest in other human beings emotionally. 

I don't ever want another father.

It's simply nothing new to me, same book different cover. Same old "You're so beautiful, I can take you places" every nigga rubber necking trying to stick a claim to me. This one cat said there's something Nicki Minaj about me, it's probably the attitude. I've discovered that since I'm so pretty I can get away with saying a lot, a lot meaning the truth. I took it as a compliment, least he didn't hit me with the Amber Rose. Gotta make being black white too huh?

Ever since the invention of lying really, when I saw Jennifer Garner just spit it like that, without intending on causing any harm just telling the plain old truth. It touched me. 

I fucks with that hardbody. 

I'm becoming one of those girls I always wanted to be. Those chicks in the American sitcoms, with the freedom, the style, the attitude and it's just so strange how naturally it came, and the uncanny ability to be in really cool places at really cool times, without really caring. I've achieved the perfect level on nonchalance. 

When we walked out of the club it was 7 in the morning, we then left the supers and went to the other ones. Smoked, laughed and chilled. Hope they follow me on Twitter. They said I was too boujie, I say that's bullshit. At the end of the day you're all human beings just like I am so I don't give a fuck who you are, Frankey will always be Frankey ya get me? I'm too down to earth man.

I'm too much of a pot head to be a groupie chick. 

Lets follow each other on Twitter yeah? 

So I can have my life, but you're still aware of my existence. Just be aware. Know that yes, chicks like me have survived the mass cultural cattle take over and hold fast to my intelligence. 

Because yeah I'm hot, it's something my sick mind is learning to exploit, it's like a new toy. Before it was just there you know, I wasn't really sure if I was pretty and I didn't really care. I thought about other things fashion, drugs and music. Philosophy, History, Art and Legend of Zelda. 

I haven't had successful sex in like 800 years. It'll be the icing on the cake when I finally get some damn ass. 

Too many niggas and not enough hoes. 

Jane's career is about to take the fuck off. Mine as well. 

Life is great. 

Jah Bless forever more.

Thank Him for today, tomorrow and yesterday. 

Especially tomorrow.

CAUSE IT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!