Once again, I've neglected my writing for so long that there is just too much to say, so much to convey, I learned a very valuable lesson today, I took a very large step, I put the integrity of my soul above another man's feelings, I unconsciously worry about laws and emotions within the realm of social interaction and today, today I let go of the final straw tethering me to any form of a compromise. I choose life, no matter what is offered to me, no matter how the presents shine and sparkle, if there is no integrity there is no truth, and if there is no truth, there is no light and if there is no light, there is no LIFE.
Understand?
I've dealt with a lot of men, who see my face and forget that I could possibly have a soul, I'm beautiful I know, it took years to realize this, to grow into this, I'm still growing, ever changing, ever vast but I've found that the more I learn about myself within the more it reflects in the aesthetics of my world. It discourages though, to have your intellect and your soul thrown out so quickly to make way for something as basic as your appearance. It hurts more than anything else, but then I have to understand, really and truly that they way they think does not affect me, it only condemns them, the power of underestimation is very strong.
If you ever feel belittled, get out. You ever feel taken for granted, get out, if they only see your smile and not the reason behind it they don't know you, understand your relationship, understand your limitations and do not be hurt, do not be discouraged, they have caged themselves within their desires and that fire will ultimately consume them.
I want to sit across from someone and without a word speak to their souls, share some smoke, fly with music and share soul. That light, those moments that out of world experience when sharing energy with another receptive human being can open up so many realms of bliss. Forgo those bleak moments of pleasure for this truth, for this eternity. That is the hope I have for you, simple vibes, simple energy, a transference of spiritual beauty.
I just want to learn. This concept is lost on so many, when I'm quite and I just watch, I am learning, I am understanding, you can learn so much from a human being within a simple span of 5 minutes, their mannerisms say so much, the subtle changes of facial muscles, the tweaks of an eye, the hints of a smile, the tone of voice, the gait in their walk, learn and understand the habits of your people, see truth, see lies, see all and understand.
I'm actually quite reclusive, I've been around this world so much, and during most of my travels I have been alone, so this solitude is nothing new to me, it is in fact the daily norm in my life, working mother, only child, the silence became close to me. I flourish in it.
I don't club here, I don't like to club here, I'd rather, sit, chill, smoke and learn. I hope that won't be a problem, and if it is, you're simply a victim.
During my thoughts in assessing those around me I find myself asking "What Would Malcolm Do?" it is a question that has changed the way I perceive my African American counterparts, I only regret that it took me this long to learn his lesson, why was he not taught in school along with the works of MLK? His own words explain this reason quite well actually, but realizing that it is truth is difficult.
Tomorrow I might do something destructive, but then again I might learn something beautiful, it all depends on how you see the world. Are you a glass empty or glass full type of person?
I'm the second choice, I never understood the glass empty point of view, I mean, did you make the glass? Or the contents? Who are you to discourage it's existence? Who are you to say what is and what is not enough? You are not the architect of this universe, who are you to be so morose about a piece of this world you had no part in creating?
There is beauty in everything, in all energy, in all light. Realize this and your own will shine and finally come to fruition.
Am I preaching again? I apologize, just doing my part to combat the ignorance raping the skulls of my brother's and sister's.
Just doing my part.
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