My fingers feel empty, but my mind is overflowing, more often than not, during emotional turmoil, I just don't know what to say. How to express it, how to truly relay it, how to let it out. So it stays within my heart, and inadvertently affects my days, my eyes, my words, my smile.
I must correct this.
The father I wish I had had is in the hospital, a few hours ago I felt so ridiculously useless, even my tears felt jobless, what could else could I do but cry? And what does crying do? I closed my eyes for hours, willing him to hear my fervent prayers for his well being. My world is not ready to lose him, my world isn't ready to say good bye.
He changed me for the better, he taught me how to be selfish, he taught me how to speak, he built me, finished me.
And he will be okay. That's all I can hope, that's all I can pray.
I'm going back to Ghana, have I shared that? It's set in stone now, a little after Halloween, perhaps mid November. So I'll get to feel the chill of winter in this country once more. I missed the outfits, I missed the cold nights, I missed the scenes.
Dark skin, intertwined limbs, caressing for the tiniest bit of warmth we could steal from each other. I had the option of leaving this weekend, but the air doesn't feel right, something else is supposed to happen, that is what my heart tells me.
I always follow my heart. It always leads me to joy.
And joy is what I live for.
Joy is life.
I'm sleeping on the floor tonight. It offers such comfort in times like these.
Join me?
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