Hourglass.

SLC Punk just finished downloading and the thought of watching it, watching it as a somewhat completely different person is sort of harrowing for me. The idea that I could've morphed without my noticing is such a mind fuck to me, I was emotionally weak then you know? Easily hurt, easily angered, always fighting against some idea or some stereotype. But I still understood that simple strain of happiness, that never left me, only developed into the version I have now.

My life was so simple, I was a daughter, I was a teenager, I was a high school student who went to rock/punk rock/screamo shows, hung out with skateboarders, lay in the middle of my ridiculously messy room singing my heart out to Fly or Die.

Just seeing the ladder of progression so clearly now makes me laugh, I never saw this coming but it's everything I ever wanted. When you're young you think you'll stay that way forever, and in a sense I did. But the most important part? I feel...wisdom.

Which is a heavy thing to say because of my precarious age. I only left the confines of teenage years earlier on in the year, but then I have that whole old soul situation going on. A terribly ancient soul, makes my brain age at an alarming rate without my noticing.

I can't wait to watch this movie. I know it'll be different for me. Everything is different for me. Even thinking about my emotional state with boys back then seems so foreign, I just want to chuckle at the image and pat myself on the back during my most angst ridden moments. Stand me up on my own two feet, hold my tear ridden face in my hands, kiss my forehead, look myself dead in the eye and say;

"You will be beautiful. You will create so much happiness in your life and in the lives of others. You are a force of nature, you are power, you are boundless energy, you are eternity. Don't waste tears on moments past, they contribute not to your tomorrow. Every second is a chance for a new life, every minute a change for a change, every hour a dawn in your reality. Do not let time escape you because nothing, absolutely nothing is more painful than wasted time. You are young, you are pure, be thankful always for this time, for this opportunity to enjoy the beautiful gift that is life. Know nothing else but this"

It's written on my heart, I don't know where it came from but it's something I constantly remind myself of every second of my day. Something I can never and will never forget.

I love, not because I have to, but because I can.

I'm so thankful for it all, that journey to my now, every hiccup, every mistake, only brightens the path before me.

There is really isn't a more powerful feeling than Knowledge Of Self you know? You should look into it, I think it's on sale.

Paloma Faith is my temporary Amy replacement, the album doesn't flow as well as any of Amy's for me, but it'll do for now.

Summer is here. I can't wait for that sunlight, I'll be half naked constantly, I have so many sawn off jean shorts to break in, so much to do and see in Atlanta. School to sort out and a whole world to revisit.

Everything is different.

There's this warm calming sense of empowerment whenever I think of it. I've been out here for so long, almost 2 months now.

I AM SO READY.

Off to watch my cult classic now.

Ciao.