The Return

Writing this out of both duress & necessity, too many beautiful women have relayed their feelings about myself & about these words, they told me that I inspire them, that I have impacted them, that I have taught them, while I only sought to do these things for myself.

While I still continue to seek these things for myself.

One of my blessed followers told me that she's been keeping a watchful cyber eye on me since I was 18 years old, all because of this blog.

I'm 22 years old now.

With a great deal more bedazzled skeletons in my closet & an incurable disease that takes as much life from me as it forces me to create. So much has changed, shit, I have changed, & I can only hope that it's for the better & that it will continue to be for the better. I never stopped writing, I simply started journaling, switching the life game up as things got a little too intense for my liking.

See, I rediscovered emotion, the blissful & intense pain of romantic disappointment, I tripped & fell 100 times to figure out what the fuck I actually want, I'm still tripping & falling, but I'm catching myself, so instead of my face getting scarred the fuck up, the struggle stays on my elbows.

I suppose I'll have to stay steady blogging for any of you to understand what I'm talking about.

Let's catch up though, what's new with me?

Well, April of last year, a young god got diagnosed with lupus.

That's pretty much the reason for almost everything I have done since then, everyone I've left, every place I've abandoned, every disrupted relationship, all because mandem has to survive.

See, negative energy? Puts me in a hospital, because my lupus is tied directly into my emotions, into my energy, the cosmic fucking system, you know? So if shit is off balance, my body is off balance, & I suffer for it.

One hell of way for the Universe to make sure I'm actually about everything I preach, no?

That's how I understand it, mother fucking equivalency. When I get sick? It's my fault, because I allowed negative energy to fester around me, I don't even accept that shit from those who claim to love me, I've been accused of being extremely selfish because I REFUSE to put up with ANYONE's negative fucking energy, the nature of this disease has exposed the perineal truth, the asinine theories of those who know nothing of true love, but claim to.

The nature of this disease has made everything pretty fucking simple in my life, no matter how difficult that simplicity seems, give me positive energy? Get plugged in. The minute you give me negative energy, which then acts as a catalyst for white blood cells who love to run trains on my organs?

Get unplugged.

So with that being said, I'm in Atlanta now.
The most peaceful place for me at this time.
& I'm falling in love with the most painful of truths.

I'm the one whose gonna have to die, when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.

No long ting.

Silent Thoughts

Think of how you "hear" your thoughts, what sense is that? There is no audible sound noted, but there is an illusion, if I might be so bold, of hearing none the less. You hear them in the confines of your mind. But never use the actual physical sense of hearing akin to the physiology of your auditory senses.

A silent sound. Or perhaps it is audible to all, or it could be audible to all if the plane is unlocked. If the area these thoughts reside in demand use of another set of senses natural to us entirely. Obviously we are all capable of hearing our thoughts, we all share the universal ability, it is the same plane. But the thoughts of another are never audible to me.

It leads me to further questions of the subconscious, does it perhaps work like a universal network? When I am asleep & it is fully in control does it have the power to make itself known to others who reside in the same realm? How does it become aware? Or has it always been? Has my conscious limited it in anyway? Is there a balance of both within me? Or is the power of my conscious still too strong? Or has it relinquished hold of our cohabitation to allow my subconscious free reign when it needs it?

My subconscious is purely oral, it records nothing for my conscious to draw back to, no typography of anything. Only audio & visual stimulation. Like those fables of our ancient ancestors who existed before written word. Was there ever a time the network the individual subconscious worked in was open to every & all working in the same field? Could they still connect today?

I feel a great power within me lying in wait, simply biding it's time until I discover it, I feel this ability present. But my mind, my ears, the channel to the inaudible sounds of others are blocked from my understanding at this present moment in time.

Today I dreamt of being unblocked. A man was speaking to me & I could hear nothing he said, as a result he stuck a straw in one ear & blew an entire world out, the liquid that accompanied it poisoned him. These thoughts on silent thoughts suddenly make this dream much clearer. I was traveling somewhere, perhaps to this plane that has been yet to be discovered by my conscious?

I know myself in my conscious understanding. I think of my subconscious as a greater version of me, my conscious diluted for the world's consumption but my subconscious exists completely concentrated.

Is it fiery? Is it kind? Wise? Stubborn? Impatient? Unintelligible? Or is it simply waiting for me to make a formal introduction. For me to accept my Being as a perfect amalgamation of the two?

This unknown power that we take for granted, the power to "hear" without physically employing the use of our ears is a clear sign of the psychic mastery that could possibly await us.

The most obvious sign of all perhaps.

Saw a new day coming, it looked just like me.

I seem to have forgotten a lot of myself. Or rather a lot of the things that used to stimulate me when I was barely aware, of my power that is. Jung says that as a therapist you should only follow the theories your patient reacts to, I find myself reading his suggestions & advice on how to deal with patients & applying them in my dealings with my self, or rather the unknown within me.

I have accepted my conscious as a simple window into the massive & never-ending expanse that is my Being. That it is only a small percentage, a representation of the true one & that my unconscious has a direct connection with the true one instead.

With this pain currently throbbing in my back I have begun to understand that perhaps this pain is my unconscious punishing the stubbornness of my conscious, punishing it for always ignoring the latter, making my ego understand that it has no power, it has nothing & it has no right to ever ignore it. To ever belittle it in anyway.

To listen to my highest form of intelligence; instinct.

It is right, I am guilty of all of those things, I did not understand my own corporeal reality. I took for granted every other portion of me outside of my mind. My Ego dressed insidiously as my quest for knowledge. Moonlighting as the unconscious.

This pain is a wake up call. This pain is to remind my ego that it revolves around the sub, not at all, or ever the other way around.

That it revolves around the Eternal & that vicious, fiery & uncompromising Selasie Amewusika Acolatse within is my direct path to the Formless one. To the Sovereign.

She is passionate.
Dauntingly so.
I, this conception of me, is nothing compared to her.

She is the Impossible.
She fuels all.
& she wants me to learn, by any means necessary.
She wants me to understand that this will not easy. That I must filter every part of the System out of myself before I am worthy for this gift.

Before I am worthy to see her True Face.

As a result of my dreams last night I fell susceptible to fear, it was as if I had forgotten everything I had been taught, I did not fight hard enough. I did not question enough. I did not observe enough. I was too overcome with emotion. I suddenly see my dreams as the home of my unconscious, she furnishes it as she see's fit to test me & drops my conscious in the middle of it all.

It's as if I am visiting, as if a door opens to a whole new reality, I process things as if I were awake, logically, rationally, I even act out of fear.

I am so easily taken up, last night I forgot it was a dream. I could not feel that it was a dream.

Perhaps that is what happens to me in my conscious life, that, when immersed in all around me I forget this is a dream too. I fall too easily in the delusion.

I am weak.

She only endeavours to make me stronger & training is not easy, victory would be worth nothing if that is the case.

I pray for the strength to overcome fear. I pray for the insight to understand what I am to learn & see. I pray for knowledge to discern & remember.

I pray to be completely in the hands of my maker. I pray his will continue to be done. I pray every thought, sensibility, step & word I emit comes from his grace.

All Praise Be Unto Allah.

For Cowardice.

Revolutions are being born all around us.

This new generation of the Divine can no longer stomach the stale & abject taste of the system they force upon us. They dress the rancid flavor in the material, in false ideas of success, of a happiness they claim can only be found outside of us.

WE ARE UNSATISFIED WITH THIS LIE THEY CALL NOURISHMENT.

Some of us would rather starve, would rather die & return to our maker than subject ourselves & our freedom to this modern prison system.

They enslave our hearts, minds, body & potential.

With their limitations, with their arrogant pride.

Individualism promoted for the cause of capitalism. We play with our toys, we equate them to life. We forget this is all puppetry, we think money equal to the bliss of true existence. We think we can purchase with our imaginary system of currency the true gift that we were born with. We worship the tools we have made with our own hands.

We forget the Universal.

& we call our amnesia "Truth". We wear our cowardice with pride, calling it intelligence. We feed into the lie, we grow fat off of it. We die. Over & over again, wandering through the wasteland like the Israeli ancestors who wandered blindly for many decades because they forgot the true covenant they made with their Maker. Our hearts, our souls, wander & wander. Never satisfied, never fed. Always seeking "a little more". Our comfort is deception. Our "joy" an illusion. If it is not born within the fire that burns in you, the fire that warms your blood, it is false & you have been enslaved.

Babylon drinks your blood from her bejewelled goblet & you freely, hungrily bleed out for her, for a touch of her riches, a taste of her apparent wealth.

But the fool lights the fire wherein one day he must burn.

& burn you shall along with her.

You claim you fear death & I simply laugh at your misconception.

My brother, my sister, you are already dead.

Your tombstone is encrusted with diamonds & rubies, but what good is a Range when it's time to go home? These things you claim you "need", that are not natural to your Spirit shackle you to the destruction of this earth.

You cannot recognise nor feel the heavy weight you have borne upon yourself & your future.

You live in hell & wilfully ignore the burning & festering skin that decorates your Temple as a result. You dress it up in jewels, your swag, your wealth, your technology, your cars, your weaves, your bitches, your niggas, your hoes.

You fear freedom.
You'd rather suffer.

To each his own I say.
I only ask that you don't expect me to do the same.

I am not among.
I am not like you.
My family, my ancestry, what Allah has revealed to me about the many planes of this existence disenables me from investing in this fuckery.

Rebel I must.
Revolt I must.
Fight for every division of freedom I feel the need to.
I must.
As Mr. Lamar says I'm in the dead fucking centre looking around.

I spent 21 years searching for answers until I realised that it cannot be found outside of me, that every answer I shall ever need lies beneath my epidermis.

As does my God.
My soul.
My Truth.

No, they can't control us.

The truth is written clearly in the prophecies of every religion. Your Bible's speak these truth's. The Revelations speak of your present destruction. The answers are right in front of you, inside you, behind you, above you, beneath you.

The answer IS you.

Know yourself.
Tap into the Hive Mind.
Or continue in your life of death.

Your choice.