My sleeping schedule is so twisted right now. I'm up at 4:31 AM for no particular reason, and it's that kind of up you don't go back to sleep instantly with. I don't understand it.
The book I'm reading "The Art of Power" brings to light a couple of things I already understood, expands some thoughts I didn't fully know how to express and really calms me. I practiced the method of mindfulness in bed last night and fell asleep amidst one of the most vivid wet dreams I have ever had in my entire life. I felt like I had transported, I felt like it was real. I felt everything and it freaked me out when I woke up mid moan.
But I am thankful for the new art, no matter how much it exposes my perverse nature.
There was apparently this huge spread of me at the Deola Sagoe show in African Fashion Week. Facebook friends really come in handy sometimes.
Last night I worried that I care too little about things society tells me I should care a lot about. I've been alone a lot, and although I can tell someone else what to do when it comes to myself I'm a bit lost in the realm and laws of human interaction. I do what I feel you know? And if I feel as though I should no nothing, I will do nothing, if I truly don't feel like speaking, I won't force myself to. But it was brought to my attention that I should 'do better', which forced me to ask, do better for who?
For the person I speak to? Or for myself? If I speak less, in the same turn create less drama, keep things at their utmost level of simplicity and always speak my mind isn't that actually the best I can do? Do I have to follow the mirror of the gushing crushing girl, always texting always calling always showing her ass? Why? That's not who I am. If I were to play that role I would be lying, drawing negative energy and mussing up my otherwise clean aura.
Just because it has been that way, doesn't mean the way works for everyone.
I am a person who relishes her solidarity. I think, I observe, all the time, a simple cup of tea could lead my mind in the deep caverns of the universe.
I am also a critical thinker.
So if I say "I just don't care" it's not drawn from the well of malevolence, or general nonchalance for a person's well being, it is me simply not bothered by the stipulations stated in my 'How To Interact With Human's' handbook.
In fact if I had that handbook, it would've been burned to ashes a very long time ago. There should be no rules, only how you feel. Everyone is different, everyone's reaction to a certain action could be different. Something I do out of love you could perceive me doing it out of purely selfish motives.
When it comes to what makes me happy my thought processes are actually quite shallow. I spend time with you because I enjoy to. That's it. Nothing else. I don't need anything from you, there's no emotional response I'm looking for, I just enjoy it.
That is mindfulness, living in the present moment, taking it all for face value and putting hundred percent of yourself into that action.
Always remain aware of your now.
Because there might not be a next.
Thank the Creator for today, yesterday and tomorrow.
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