I've made myself a cup of green tea. I'm falling back into my schedule, Yoga in the morning, a cup of green tea to put me to bed. Went grocery shopping today, acquired all the health fanatic food I could, was actually quite pride of myself, walking through the aisles, seeing the startled glances of fellow consumers as their eyes traveled from my head to the contents of my trolley. My interests match my appearance I suppose.
"You intrigue me"
I've heard that so much. It's always flows like clock work, I've accepted that as a person, at least in comparison to the world that is Atlanta, I am an anomaly. Awareness of self is apparently quite rare in this city, mindfulness, emotional independence and the likes. Which is sad commentary on the sisters of this generation. Covered head to toe in applications that are not your own, so invested in the exterior, so invested in impermanence. I could go on for days about this, but I won't, because it's not my life is it? You can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink is what my mother always says. The best you can do is simply be an example, maybe they'll look at you and smell something off about themselves.
The Art of Power says I should be mindful of all of my actions, of every atom that moves within my body, I should be aware of any change, no matter how small, like how my left thigh is pressing up against the dining table, it doesn't quite hurt, but it's not a pleasant feeling either, I know it will leave an impression, whenever that happens I feel like a soft foam mattress, so pliable and changeable.
Nothing is constant.
Except my thoughts and my spirit.
Yesterday I happened upon another discovery about myself, in actuality it's not all that new, it simply tied into me trying to tailor myself to follow a certain social rule that I have no real care for, I was doing it for the sake of a being I thought I could learn to love very deeply, a being who actually disappointed me in a way, in that failed experiment sort of way, in that you expect an outcome and nothing happens so all interest is lost sort of way. No hard feelings, no feelings at all sort of way.
I had foreseen this event developing in the future because I know what interests me and what does not, and that interested me, but I restrained myself, for the sake of society, what would the children say? Turns out the children are just as invested in this turn of events as I am. I'm a very black and white person when it comes to men. I like what I like. And when I try to restrain myself in this approach the Universe does everything in it's power to make said event take place.
I used to take this happening as a sign of some sort of test, the cosmos trying to harden my resolve, trying to teach me a lesson and what I learned from that assertion is that, the universe wants what it wants. It's so simple. If it places it before me? Why not? Is this not what I foresaw?
But what exactly is it that I foresaw? I predicted interest. Pure basic lust. Not for the aesthetics though, for the brain. Cause nothing turns me on like intelligence. Jesus, once I get a whiff of it, it's all downhill from there.
Or uphill you might say. A roller coaster in fact. A game. A challenge, a new opponent. Psychology really is the ideal major for me. I'm just typing you know? This entry has no particular purpose, I feel quite at peace in this moment, the vibrations of my keyboard are flowing through the table, through it's legs and onto the floor, passing it on the ground where my right foot lies flat, I can feel each letter in the sole of my feet.
It makes me feel powerful, this silly little movement, grows such strength within me. Transference of energy. Pure and unadulterated.
I should probably go to bed now, I need my beauty sleep. I thank the creator for this moment, for this day, for yesterday and for tomorrow. I pray the light shines through all, Jah's blessings rain down for an eternity.
Don't forget to smile. He might think you're being ungrateful.
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