Stuntin'; Memories

I want to talk about a day, any day really, but a day surely plucked from my past, I never really expanded on the brilliance that is and was Ghana, there were little tidbits but I did it no justice, so let's pick a day.

But what day? There were just so many, the journey was so deep, the joy so over flowing, where should I begin?

I'll just vibe off of my thoughts and catch the first memory that pops up.

I had heard he was in town, and it registered with a faint tick of 'A little freaked' out in my mind, but more a forced amount of heavy repulsion, I say forced because I can't deny that I was in fact quite curious as to what he'd do or say when he saw me. How he'd act, how I'd act, this was at the time my Great White Buffalo (great white buffalo, great white buffalo), a lot of energy had been invested in memories of him and his affect on my life, so curiosity secretly held the reigns of my fake nonchalance.

He had become a model, he was still a lying cheating bastard to a girl he certainly didn't deserve, nothing had changed, the curiosity almost killed me.

But when I ran into him, after a long day at work, I walked into that club completely unprepared for the vast amount of cackling I would almost die from later on in the night. I saw my sister, I danced, I was happy, I honestly can't recall the first moment I saw him but I do recall my thoughts. I was much taller than him because A. I believe I had actually grown, I mean I was 17 the last time I saw him and I was also an avid believer in puberty B. I was wearing my favorite heels, having just come from the office.

I looked down at him in tranquil glee, already registering the lust, watching as he slowly but surely walked right into the door so many had before. But this house? This house he so fervently wanted to occupy was a lot different from the last one he had visited. It was stronger, it was deeper, and no matter how tight his jeans were it was damn near unshakable.

He was drunk. Spinning words and suggestions I was actually shocked he came up with, after all this time? All that drama? All that love you professed to someone else? To many someone else's. His desire still led him astray.

It was the same old story. I won't lie and say I was happy at the results of our encounter, he did end up following our car halfway back to the hostel adamantly requesting I stop the car so he could drive me home like I was a lost little basic idiot.

The concept of mental growth is lost on the average male penis it seems.

The desperation in his voice fueled a fire within me though. There was such satisfaction as I murmured the words to 'Stunt On You' by Drake. Cliche I know, but I had been waiting for this moment for so long. In a way I held it so dear to me because it was proof of my change, proof of my strength, proof of my transcending the pain and embarrassment he put me through all those years ago.

He made me laugh, when once he would've made my heart try and force it's way out of my throat.

He was the final confirmation of what I had suspected all a long.

"I love myself more"

But of course I would smash again, just to see, just to understand what caused that obsession, that deep emotional tethering to this man who now would not have been looked at twice. With his short ass, and those god awful tattoo's. Napoleon complex like a mother fucker. And a total waste of good style and bone structure.

And I'm not being hateful, I'm being honest.

I recycled, and it SUCKED. It sucked so much that I was discomfited for myself all those years ago for being so in love with this sexual trash. But in the same breath I conceded to the idea that along with personal mental growth, there of course was sexual, what I would've considered as toe curling insanity back when I was illegal certainly can't pass the bar now.

But it did repulse me though, repulsed me so much that I became asexual when he walked in the room, in moments of desperation I figured I'd give it one more go, but we never got around to it, for that I'm glad. Once was enough.

But I bet he'd still smash though.

Nigga's don't change.

With that one track dick.