Seek and you shall find.

I have a lot to say. I've been sitting on it for about a day now, but as usual my soul doesn't feel right without expressing it. So here it is.

Yesterday was a brilliant day for me, yesterday being Wednesday. I walked around the city, I didn't sleep the night before, promptly got up around 7 and was on a bus into the city of Atlanta at 8 o'clock on the dot. My perception of the world is changing, I am beginning to understand, and in this understanding I find a deep well of love to drink from. Now when I see something I would've previously loathed in another human being, I stop breath and repeat the words;

“You bleed. I bleed”

It centers me. It brings me back to the reality, and non reality of this world that we have created, this fabrication upon fabrication we so invest in, these objects outside of God we worship, it brings me back to nirvana, the existence and non existence of it all.

Why is a tree called a tree? What is the idea of a tree? The concept? Why do we accept our own definition of this organism that has existed for billions of years, years in which we did not exist? My mind is open to more than just human laws and regulations, I look around and realize that all is folly, all are lies, and in this world I have attained peace. Nothing riles me anymore, nothing upsets, I live in mindfulness, I am a student of Buddha.

Not the god, not the religion, the ultimate state of the human mind.

But I have digressed, and so let us continue my description of this day. I am on the bus, I have painted the black dot on my forehead to symbolize my third eye, so whenever I glance at my own reflection I remember my sight and my strength as a human being.

My mind is wracked with puzzles and ideas, excitement in anticipation of the Dali exhibition I plan on waiting for.

But I have two hours to burn and so I get off at the Five Points station and walk steadily towards Piedmont park, singing along to Jill Scott, ignoring the various looks I receive, it is a way of life now. I'm sure the dot in the middle of my forehead didn't help one bit. But I do not live my life for them now do I?

As I walk on the stoned path to the still waters in the park, I percieve the various levels of the African American condition around me. The overweight homeless woman with a buggy full of what I call trash and she treasure.

You bleed. I bleed.

The lecherous old man on the bench to my right leering at me with cracked lips.

You bleed. I bleed.

The pair of shapeless white women with unhappy and sour looks on their countances.

You bleed. I bleed.

Lacefront Lisa on her way to work.

You bleed. I bleed.

I sit down, I breathe and I thank my creator and my ancestors for blessing my soul with this thirst for knowledge, without it I would be lost. And so I sat and I read, for hours, so enamored with my texts that the maintenance man sweeping behind me startled me. I had never been so unaware of my surroundings before, especially not in public. Law and Order: SVU from an incredibly young age trained me to keep a watchful eye out for potential rapists and murderers.

And yet there I was, completely blinded to the world as I poured over pages of blissful soul food.

A couple more “You bleed. I bleed” and I was on the train on the way to High Museum. Watching the world around me, trying to love all the destruction I saw, trying to understand it all. My affair with public transportation was mirroring clock work, I assumed it was simply the Universe reflecting my own inner harmony at the time.

I soon found myself at the main entrance of The High. I got a student discount even though I had professed to not be a student, I glimmered with excitement, the building is so beautiful, neutral colors, high ceilings, my perfect world. I smiled, and smiled, excitement overcame me.

Salvador Dali was an incredible man and an inspirational human being, his work spoke volumes to me, I was in absolute awe through out the entire gallery. Such a loud spirit. One to mirror my own. And then I thought.

“Our pursuit of riches has blinded us to our immense capabilities as human beings. We could all inspire like this, we could all be greater than what daily propaganda proposes. When I die, what will be painted on the walls? What quotes will they pull from my repertoire? What will I be remembered for? I want to change the world. I want to change the way the world is seen. Why don't we all aspire for such?”

There is a chance for self reflection is every moment, in every breathe, there is also a chance to learn. For example, while I attempted to study his pieces I learned that old ladies have no sense of proper etiquette when studying artwork. These short decrepit beings had not a care in the world for anyone else who might have wanted to look at the same piece they were observing. But in hindsight, it could be because their eyesight forced them to act in such a insensitive way.

So I guess I can forgive these ancients. I'm sure they meant no harm by it.

See what I did there? Self reflection, mindfulness, understanding, love.

Stepping stones to enlightenment.

---

I almost scrapped this to start over afresh, but that wouldn't be fair to myself. So let's take another look at life shall we? Last night/this morning I spent hours pouring over Gospels that had been banned from the Bible, banned by man's power and ego in an attempt to control the masses because too many questions prove too detrimental to the white devil's fat pockets.

At least that's my own able opinion.

Each line I read consumed me and set me on fire, the feeling could be paraphrased by verse two in The Gospel Of Thomas, it reads as follows;

2 Jesus said, "Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. [And after they have reigned they will rest.]"

I was certainly disturbed, the idea of how much has been hidden from us, what gave them that right? I questioned myself and the Church for so many years before I sought to seek for the able knowledge to reinforce my disputing heart. Knowledge is truly power, in this great age, where the library of Alexandar the Great is basically at our finger tips, it's such a shame we are so inclined to remain as cattle underneath their fat and gluttonous thumbs.

Jesus said to them, "When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner like the outer and the outer like the inner, and the upper like the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female, when you make eyes in place of an eye, a hand in place of a hand, a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you will enter [the kingdom]."

I continued to read, and lines like this came out and sucker punched me in the face. He speaks so plainly of the reality and the non reality of the world, a clearly Buddhist doctrine, and the uniformity of it all alarmed me. Jesus was a perfect human being, who had reached enlightenment, in this lost gospels he told his disciples that once they attain that peace they will no longer be his disciples but instead his equals, so why could there not have been another recorded human being that attained the peace and lived in the present Kingdom of Heaven such as the one Jesus wished for all of us in these banished writings?

Living Buddha Living Christ reads;

Impermanence and non-self are not negative. They are the doors that open to the true nature of reality. They are not the causes of our pain. It is our delusion that causes us to suffer. Regarding something as permanent, holding to something that is without self as having a self we suffer. Impermanence is the same as non-self. Since phenomena are impermanent, they do not possess a permanent identity. Non-self is also emptiness. Emptiness of what? Empty of permanent self. Non-self means also interbeing. Because everything is made of everything else, nothing can be by itself alone........When you touch the the reality of non-self, you touch at the same time nirvana, the ultimate dimension of being, and become free from fear, attachment, illusion and craving.

Am I the only one able to perceive such obvious parallels? In fact, in most of the dialogues of Jesus I read within the Lost Gospels he sounded pretty Buddhist. Which also reinforces my notion that Buddhism itself is not a religion, it is instead a philosophy, in fact a way of life, a doctrine to help you closer to the ultimate truth, the ultimate God of truth in my case.

Is this a little too much for you? Would you like to to ramble on about my sex life? About a boy? About how my breasts feel overly tender today?

Too bad.

28 Jesus said, "I took my stand in the midst of the world, and in flesh I appeared to them. I found them all drunk, and I did not find any of them thirsty. My soul ached for the children of humanity, because they are blind in their hearts and do not see, for they came into the world empty, and they also seek to depart from the world empty.

I found them all drunk, but I did not find any of them thirsty. It speaks such volumes about this generation in particular, we are so blind, dying, but content in our demise, all pawns controlled by those making the most money off of our cattle minded nature.

113 His disciples said to him, "When will the kingdom come?"
"It will not come by watching for it. It will not be said, 'Look, here!' or 'Look, there!' Rather, the Father's kingdom is spread out upon the earth, and people don't see it."

Living Buddha Living Christ reads;

Smiling, you will understand that you do not have to abandon this world in order to be free. You will know that nirvana, the Kingdom of Heaven, I available here and now.

I tell you, I was shitting massive bricks. The mind fuckings just kept on coming, I'm still reeling from the blatancy of the universal message. From the knowledge of the massive amount of deceit we have allowed to destroy and corrupt both our minds and our heart. I'l tell you something else, I will never stop looking, I will never stop reading, there is no such thing as too much knowledge. My heart and mind are at peace because this is the confirmation of all I have suspected for years. And to think all of this was instigated by an accidental channel change. The History Channel's 'Banned From The Bible' helped open my eyes.

The Universe works in brilliant and mysterious ways, always loving, always kind.

I think I'll stop now. Continue to read more. There are more hours to explore within this night. I hope I've prompted some questions to present themselves in your able minds. Don't be afraid to question the masses, there are only few among the many.

Are you a weed? Or the precious harvest?