Keep it funky till I die.

It's a little symbolic that the day I finally force myself to write happens to be the last of the year. Happy 31st everyone. Shout out to my growth & my strength.

This past month has been ridiculously hard for me, both physically & mentally. I got sick, really sick & lost. I realized that there was a much bigger hole in me the size of my father that I had filled with additional situations & had completely ignored.

You're not supposed to work for happiness.

You're just supposed to feel it. If the world around you disenables you from garnering that feeling, the world around you needs to be changed. Mine changed & I now realize how utterly draining working for joy was. I have the strength to fall in love now.

To make bad choices.

& to laugh my days away.

I did that all before, but with a heavy shadow looming over me, the "hustle", however attractive was still a hustle & at the time my optimism refused to let me lament over the work. I only saw the positive, I only saw the blessing.

Which is great & all, but in hindsight I've realized that it was a little delusional.

I am free to....live.

I'm a g though. Honestly. Looking at my track record this past year? Sean Connery Shwag shit.

But how is everyone?

How is the world living?

I feel like the world (America) is ending. It's going to be interesting to see the development of the underdeveloped whose growth was stunted by Lady Liberty. Karma's a bitch. I mentioned America because until today that was the last place that I really had my own personalized space.

My mother's back in town & she redecorated my bedroom, which also happened to be the bedroom she grew up in, I brought out some things & painted it the way I wanted & never realized how important this type of a home base was for me.

I've been moving around for years, I never designated any space as mine. Painting your own room is everything, I honestly feel like this is mine. I even kicked my mother out.

She understood though.

She's been real good at that lately. It was bumpy at first. But it's my Mummy.

I love my Mummy die.

I love my friends die.

I love my God die.

I love my life die.

A-women.