Bad Luck.

What do I want to say?

Is there anything to say?

I always start off like this. Standing at the threshold of self imposed writers block, convincing myself that there is nothing worthy yet. But how do I know what is worthy to minds outside of mine? I can't say that there is nothing to say because I do have words to express. Thoughts to convey, they do exist, speeches, novels, motion pictures all take precedence in the glistening civilization that is my mind.

I can talk of men, of how I've been without male affection in the 2011, or I could talk of women & how they fascinate me so. I could talk about my family, the elderly, the emotional incompetent.

The fearful. The beautiful. The foolish. The world is full of topics really.

But what is significant? What matters the most today? Right now? In the next 30 seconds? Or am I just forcing myself to write to bring a sense of scheduling back?

Perhaps I should invest in iCal once more.

I started reading Don Quixote again & I am thoroughly enjoying myself. Cervantes' beautiful & satirical way with words definitely inspires my own rhetoric. I realize that my vernacular changes depending on what I'm reading or what I'm not reading.

I, for a long time, went without this sort of stimulation depending solely on human interaction to keep me afloat, as I have now distanced myself I am now aware enough to discover it.

Constant human contact does not foster independent thought. It weakens it.

I am far more miserable when I'm social, so I've found living at such a distance from the busy bee that is the city of Accra a blessing indeed. I now have the time to independently search & grow. I can spend the whole day naked & in silence.

I choose this silence.

It's beautiful to me. I notice so much more, I discover so much more, immersing yourself in a system that is not even aware of itself, will of course pollute you. The world at present is not built for us to prosper, spiritually, mentally, individually. But we forget this & invest our all in it.

& widen your eyes in surprise at the misery that weighs your heart.

Find your OWN way. Find your OWN system.

The script our parents gave us does not fit the world we live in. We must walk, learn & grow, ALONE. Continuously surrounding yourself within a pack before you have learned to stand on your own will diminish your ability to at all, ever again.

It's very plain & simple.

You MUST know YOURSELF before you can know others.

Destroy & rebuild.
Light up your own darkness.

I lost a lot of people last year. People I now know weren't ever really supposed to contribute to my life. People who don't actually deserve to know me. The liars I had accepted, the confusion I ignored, all dashed aside in a couple of days.

I want nothing of it.

& I know in my heart that this is what is best, because detachment came so easily for me. I must replace those that have failed me with those that will love. I must replace.

You know there are some who tethered so tightely to you with the rope of time & twin journeys of evolution, that you will never be able to peacefully leave. A leech in a sense. That you must rip off. A parasite, that plagues you, that weighs you down with memories of time past.

But it is so unnatural of my kind to live in the past.

It is only befitting that the light of tomorrow eradicates it.

I am not sad. I am not disappointed. Some people are not meant to be known to you. Those that are not known to themselves.

It is the will of Allah.

All praise be unto his Name.