I ran out of pages in all my journals last night, so today I aspire to fill these "pages" with my complexities laced in simple philosophy.
If there is such a thing.
Today has afforded another lesson in the psychology of man, a further look into the treacherous nature of a once very close, well as close as the unaware can be, associate of sorts, who acted in an ugly manner I accurately, yet blindly, divined the cause of. Once presented with my prophecy, I was painted as desperate & insane. Months later, said former associate has revealed all to the cause. He has to some degree be truthful in his attempt at sticking his phallus inside of her.
The truth being, and in turn fulfilling all of my previous prophecies on the matter. Although justification holds no badge of pride or joy in my being, I knew I was right, I felt it, why celebrate Divinely inspired accuracy? Without it there could not be faith. I digress, although the justification is not necessarily pleasing in any sense of the word, it does not come without a sense of higher peace.
There is after all a difference between noticing there isn't a floor beneath your feet & actively flying.
Clearly, I flew.
Allah protects & shields me from deception. My mind goes through the tiring & monotonous task of recalling past presents & adding a new ending to each scenario. But what can be done? Allah knows best.
This individual was never meant to be in my life. So he is not. It was my fault for even including him. Why should I be upset that a turtle cannot conceptualize flying? Ask only for what they can give. In fact, ask for nothing at all. He was & is, a simple bitch. How very stupid of me to expect anything more in such morally deceptive gluttony. I hope I am not too harsh. May Allah be with him still.
The truth remains & pervades all. My Russian spy has been instrumental in destroying all the unsound foundations that made themselves known in my life. Naturally so, with little to no active thought on her part, her very existence, like mine, rattled the weak. She alone has replaced all. Unsympathetically, she continues to gnaw on the bones of those expelled.
I love my little monster.
I'll leave to Saudi Arabia soon, in my heart, I wish it were next week. I'm ready for a new environment & for the first time during this 4 year love affair with West Africa I am not leaving my country in pain. I am not fleeing.
I leave, because it pleases me to do so.
I've resided here for almost a full year now, no breaks in between. My emotional & physical self continue to flourish & grow by his Grace, but both understand that it is time for a change, time for more than what "home" can offer. I must flap my wings, after all, home is in my heart, my heart exists on earth, earth is home.
I'm excited to go & establish my own area in my mother's new apartment. There is so much more light in this one, she has these massive windows all over the place. I honestly cannot wait, I am ready to travel, to write on the plane, to record all of God's majesty as he see's it fit to reveal it.
May he bless me & these dreamy eyes of mine.
All Praise Be Unto Allah.
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