Year of the Slut: # 10.

I remember how you used to make me feel & at the same time I draw a complete blank, like I can't bare to recall that joy when you're so many miles away from me.

I remember some other things though.

Those Lamborghini Dream nights, with your chain around my neck & your tongue in the heart between my legs.

I remember some mother fucking things.

Because for some reason, no matter how much I told the world I hated you, when you came around me I glowed, you made the muscles in my body tighten up in anticipation of you.

You'll drown in me the day I see you again.

Time against us. Miles between us.

Somehow you remained & now you want to take that risk with me?

What planet am I on baby?

Because even though we had our days of just lighting each other on fire in a room filled smoke. Even though you loved me in a way that fit me so perfectly. The freedom you gave me, the honesty you fed me. My baby always get it G.

We all have our secrets & I had a couple of dread headed ones myself.

We were 97% honest with each other.

But I think of you now, unbuttoning my shirt & whispering “I don't want to share you.” against my neck. One hand works while the other dives. I think of how you'd touch me. What you'd say. I think of the ocean my body would make for you to leap in. I think of the way I'll wind my hips against my personal kryptonite.

You always amazed me.

& I always loved you. I couldn't help myself. I still don't understand it to this day, but when I think about you kissing the birthmarks on my inner left thigh, nothing has to make sense.

Remember that night I screamed so hard my dog started barking at you? He thought you were hurting me baby, can you imagine?

You'd come everyday, never fail & shoot me with that AK full of bullets filled with liquid joy.

I never thought we would last though.

There were others that came before me, that I understood held priority, that I might've even used as a reason to continue on with some of my more major sexual eccentricities.

'She' was my safety net.
So that no matter how hurt I ended up? No matter how badly I needed you?

I never failed to concede that you were never mine. So the pain was fleeting.

I knew you game too well, I could lead sheep to the wolf in your name with ease & the fact that you trusted me to? Meant so much to a girl like me.

I know you love my crazy little ass.

You have to, to still want me, after all these years?

Years, baby, years! Isn't that terrifying to people like us? We've seen the world in between our sheets, freedom is our oxygen, infidelity our bread & butter. How else could the sex have been so damn fantastic?

I think about where you'd hold me, where you'd touch. What would you kiss first? What would you want first? It's been so long, my body has almost forgotten all about yours.

But there's this one string inside my solar plexus that lights up when I think about you plowing me. It gets hotter when I think about that night you threw on your J's, like you meant some serious business.

You always amazed my body.

You loved it like you owned it.

& for a while you did. But then life catches up with you & youth doesn't survive the pressure. But that's what time is for. Second chances.

I wanna take you around for another spin baby.
I want you all up in my hair.
All up in my core.
All up in my fucking pores.

I want you to make it Thunder.

All over me.

So superstar, I'm just sitting here thinking about you, hoping, that you're sitting your somewhere, thinking about me, hoping that I'm sitting my somewhere thinking about you.

I mean...

All I want
Is a little of your time
So you could
Wine & dine
The depths
Of my divine
Design.

You just make it so easy for me to fall right back into place with you. But there's an ocean between us & these hazy dry nights get lonely for a girl like me & I know my Mister doesn't have to sleep alone.

So, yes I know, my imagination can take me far, take me to scenes of my knees rubbing hard against the hardwood floor, as you hail Selassie-I through the temple of my seraphic soul. But I control my visions that keep me wishing for a soul like yours, desperation will not even that score.

I wait for you to conquer me.

I wait for you to make me want to be conquered.

In the meantime, I'll keep on playing my little games.
But I'll only whisper your name.
& when the moon hits my face.
They'll know that you've already won the race.

My Perfect 10.