Year of the Slut: # 17.

#17

I had a boyfriend.
I knew I had a boyfriend.
He knew I had a boyfriend.
Just like I knew he had a wife.

But I still wanted it.

Maybe it was the art, maybe it was the dreads, maybe it was the Cheshire Cat like smile he had painted on his face when he asked what I looked like naked the day we met.

A couple hours of eye fucking in the club that night & as the sun crept over the horizon, it lit up all the dark corners of the SUV our naked bodies were resting in. He had driven us onto the beach, too hungry to wait until we were behind closed doors.

His hands caressed the side of my face & I suddenly felt his eyes burrowing into my soul.

“What are you looking at?”

He moved his hand back instantly & repositioned his body in a more defensive manner.

“You.”

I thought about the relationship I had found myself tethered in at the time & how I felt absolutely no remorse in the wake of a most grievous case of infidelity. I glanced down to the glistening gold band on my lovers left hand.

At least I wasn't married.

But that didn't affect me either. I sat up & stretched my legs out in front of me, relishing the space in the trunk of his expansive car. His fingers traced lines up & down my thigh, I could still feel his eyes on me.

I turned towards him, inching my thighs further apart.

“What do you want?” I coaxed his left hand to my center. He groaned immediately as his hands touched the waterfall.

“We shouldn't be doing this...”

His words only promote laughter from deep within my core. I was too young to care about whatever rules he had learned making mistakes like this. They were his to make, as this was mine. The man I called my boyfriend was only a disappointment.

& besides, his dick was practically microscopic & he came like Dolly Parton. Who expected me to remain faithful to such a thing? I accepted his existence in a moment of blind lust. He was just so god damn tall & so god damn dark & we looked so god damn good together.

How could my Vanity deny such a thing?

Thoughts of my soon to be ex boyfriend quickly fade away as I grip the monster in my hand, feeling his heavy pulse beneath my finger tips.

“What are we doing?”

I kiss the tip of his member & his eyes instantly shut.

“We're just two human beings, enjoying each other. You'll never want to stop enjoying me, you love this fat pussy too much.”

Another kiss, this time met with a groan.

“Why don't you come over here & show me just how much you're going to miss this during all those cold London nights. I might hate you next time I see you, this might be your only chance.”

His eyes fly open & he stares right into my own, looking for any sort of deception or mirth that would indicate my words be translated into a joke. But I did not change any part of my face, I neither smiled or frowned, I had never been more serious with him.

I had reached the pinnacle of my debauchery & my moral compass had become completely askew…it is the intentions of my heart correct? It is not in my heart to hurt the one I called my boyfriend but I had to, to keep myself happy, I did not set out to cause him pain, I simply did not have the courage to break free & so I deviated & like so many of the others before him, my feelings for this man had been completely eradicated in a matter of a few simple & blissful minutes.

Youth has no place for “feelings” & “sex” in the same breath in this world.

I glanced at the wedding ring, it gripped my inner left thigh. It would be his doom eventually. There was no denying that were was no future in us. I found his little bouts of jealousy attractive because of the deficiency's of the relationship I was in at the time. He would go back, continue to fuck his wife, get her pregnant & become an old fat man in 10 years.

Might as well get it in while the getting is still good.

I loved him in a way, but it was a strange sort of affection, the sort that doesn’t really ask for much, the sort that is just content in existing, never pushes you out of your comfort zone, never rocks the boat, in fact encourages your need for independence but drives the need for incredible sex from someone of like mind.

At the end of the day, I meant as little to him as he did to me. We both had others we loved more, & that list included ourselves.

His wedding ring slips inside of me & as I come down from my high?

I commend his wife for such a lovely wedding band selection with my tongue.