Writing this out of both duress & necessity, too many beautiful women have relayed their feelings about myself & about these words, they told me that I inspire them, that I have impacted them, that I have taught them, while I only sought to do these things for myself.
While I still continue to seek these things for myself.
One of my blessed followers told me that she's been keeping a watchful cyber eye on me since I was 18 years old, all because of this blog.
I'm 22 years old now.
With a great deal more bedazzled skeletons in my closet & an incurable disease that takes as much life from me as it forces me to create. So much has changed, shit, I have changed, & I can only hope that it's for the better & that it will continue to be for the better. I never stopped writing, I simply started journaling, switching the life game up as things got a little too intense for my liking.
See, I rediscovered emotion, the blissful & intense pain of romantic disappointment, I tripped & fell 100 times to figure out what the fuck I actually want, I'm still tripping & falling, but I'm catching myself, so instead of my face getting scarred the fuck up, the struggle stays on my elbows.
I suppose I'll have to stay steady blogging for any of you to understand what I'm talking about.
Let's catch up though, what's new with me?
Well, April of last year, a young god got diagnosed with lupus.
That's pretty much the reason for almost everything I have done since then, everyone I've left, every place I've abandoned, every disrupted relationship, all because mandem has to survive.
See, negative energy? Puts me in a hospital, because my lupus is tied directly into my emotions, into my energy, the cosmic fucking system, you know? So if shit is off balance, my body is off balance, & I suffer for it.
One hell of way for the Universe to make sure I'm actually about everything I preach, no?
That's how I understand it, mother fucking equivalency. When I get sick? It's my fault, because I allowed negative energy to fester around me, I don't even accept that shit from those who claim to love me, I've been accused of being extremely selfish because I REFUSE to put up with ANYONE's negative fucking energy, the nature of this disease has exposed the perineal truth, the asinine theories of those who know nothing of true love, but claim to.
The nature of this disease has made everything pretty fucking simple in my life, no matter how difficult that simplicity seems, give me positive energy? Get plugged in. The minute you give me negative energy, which then acts as a catalyst for white blood cells who love to run trains on my organs?
Get unplugged.
So with that being said, I'm in Atlanta now.
The most peaceful place for me at this time.
& I'm falling in love with the most painful of truths.
I'm the one whose gonna have to die, when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.
No long ting.
