See the false as false. Walk on.

Karina spoke to me the other day about remnants of a former friend's bitterness making itself known to her in a series of flaccid subtweets. I told her as I tell myself that it is not her concern. I feel a deep lesson learned from my relations with that girl, my instinct was to add the adjective 'poor' to that description of her but my spirit corrected my understanding. I do not seek to hold any part of myself or my soul above her, we both inhabit this world, I have simply chosen to exist at a distance from her confusion.

I feel sorry for her & I feel sorry for myself for ever deluding myself for such. I believed, sincerely believed that I could save her, that I could help her & she fed this conviction of mine by wearing my own skin, making me believe a problem had truly been solved. I should've listened to my instinct, I should not have allowed myself to feel guilt about the reality my subconscious was demanding that I acknowledge. I ignored my better judgment for the sake of a false sense of friendship.

For a blatant lie.

She never was what I believed her to be, my light shone so brightly that at times it forced a beautiful purity in her that was not natural to her conscious & without me she simply faded to the dull gray that she has always been.

After that transference fiasco (see Over) her delusion cut through mine with such ruthlessness that it practically paralyzed my senses. I was utterly stunned at the ruins before me, when only a few moments before stood a pristine castle.

All was delusion. All was fallacy.

& I willingly bought into it for the sake of society. I did not stick to my convictions when it came to her, I compromised, I ignored, I babysat her nonsense.

& I say today. No more. No more. It was not meant to be. My Creator has corrected me. My Creator has saved me.

May Allah always be with her.
May Peace always be upon her.

But her madness is not my own.
Her confusion is not my own.
She is not my responsibility.
I can make no allowances for willing victims.

I cannot entertain walking deception.
I cannot walk with a slave to the System.

I must seek myself in all others.
I must seek equal or greater.
I must seek God in all avenues of my life.

She is not among.
She is not among.

Guiltless I walk on.
Compromise is cowardice.
Reality or death.